-having to relight candles on a cake after
they are blown out to give the infant in the family an opportunity to blow (aka spit) out the candles
-the lighthearted cheering and clapping
that inhabits the room after the blowing out of candles
-saying “Make a wish…”
as you pull your cupped hand, serving as a windbreaker, away from the candles
-scolding someone saying, “If you
tell anyone, it wont come true!”
-wondering what the person that just blew
out the candles wished for
-catching yourself actually wishing for
something impracticable, like a child would, on your birthday
-someone pointing out that it is easier
to use the lit candle to light the other candles on the birthday cake than to keep striking matches
-using trick candles
-“and one for good luck”
-giving each color candle a corresponding
number value (i.e. If someone is 56, explaining that the blue ones are each ten, the white one is five, and the two yellow
ones are one…granted you are using “one for good luck”
-wanting a piece of cake “with the
flower on it”
-being totally disappointed it isn’t
ice cream cake
-not wanting cake, but being swindled into
taking a piece and requesting a very small piece
-asking for a small piece and receiving
1/6 of the cake
-leaning in the archway of a room with
your legs crossed while singing Happy Birthday in a monotonous tone
-multiple family roles and names for
the same person being sung after the "Happy birthday to (person's name here)..." part of Happy Birthday
-someone shuffling into the dimmed room
half way through the singing of happy birthday
-not knowing whether you feel comfortable
enough singing Happy Birthday
-watching the game with the guys
-an aunt specifying how many ice cubes
she would like in her Diet Sprite
-everyone feeling it necessary to make
the connection between you, college and beer
-your dad asking you to help Grandma walk
to the car
-having every aunt, and female cousin pointing
out how much a baby likes you
-having no choice but to say, “Oh
no, she/he’s fine” while a five year old is bothering you
-standing there speechless while you are
alone in the room with a grown man scolding his child
-the grown man suddenly changing tones
like a schizophrenic and grinning while saying, “These kids drive me crazy”
-everyone advising you never to get married
-being asked to leave the room so a dirty
joke can be told
-“the kiddy table”
-a relative confidently, yet incorrectly
guessing what year of school you are in
-a relative telling you how many years
you have left before you enter “the real world”
-trying to look busy while in the buffet
line in front of your 2nd cousins grandmother and behind your cousins new boyfriend
-“desserts are out!!!”
-getting a beer for an uncle and on the
way back from the cooler your mother seeing you and saying, “Where do you think you are going with that?”
-the family renowned for leaving first
-the family renowned for leaving last
-throwing someone in the pool
-a mother having to declare the age of
her newborn to every guest
-getting briefed with instructions before
holding a baby
-one grown man saying to another grown
man’s wife, “So, you been takin’ care of this guy!?” while jocularly rubbing the man’s shoulders
-a “kiss the cook” apron
-a bowl of chips that is stale
-carrots being the first vegetable to be
eaten around the dip bowl
-broccoli always being plentiful around
the dip bowl
-the hip uncle that lets you slip some
rum into your Coke
-using the marker on masking tape combo
to identify which type of beverage is in which cooler
-running out of food and promising, “This
is the first time this has ever happened, we always have so much leftovers!”
-your mom saying, “I’m trying
to do a million things at once” in an irritated tone
-your cousin wanting to play with that
toy you really don’t want to give him an opportunity to break
-the awkward feeling when the middle-man-conversation-holding
relative has left the previously three person conversation, leaving you head nodding with that guy with the big ears that
went to college with your aunt
-being informed of your height the last
time a particular person saw you
-feeling a sense of accomplishment when
more than one person has asked if you have been working out
-being in a conversation you have no business
being in
-knocking on the bathroom door to check
if it is vacant then trying to figure out who is in there by analyzing the voice that just politely said, “Someone is
in here”
-watching an elderly person shuffle out
of the bathroom
-insisting that an elderly relative take
your seat
-asking “Are you sure?” fifteen
times before you sit back down after giving your offer
-your father entering the room in which
the above two instances just took place and saying, “Let Grandma sit there!!!”
-your Grandma having your back and insuring
your father that she doesn’t want to sit down
-the room exit seeming so far away when
in a room of relatives you rarely talk to
-the hostess saying, “Please pardon
my house, it’s such a mess”
-nonchalantly acting like there is not
a baby being changed four feet away from you
